is it weird that i constantly think about how people would react if i were gone? who would care? who would fake care? how many people that i dont even know will claim we were close? how many people would it really affect ? who would be at my funeral?  who would completely forget about me? all these thoughts are constantly running through my mind.. when will it be my time to go? i feel like these thoughts hold me back sometimes .. as much as i try not to let them.. i dont really like to talk about my feelings too much. i feel that most people dont really care or just try and listen to be nosey .. im usually the one that everyone runs to.. i dont mind at all . it humbles me knowing there’s a lot of people that trust me enough to tell me their deepest secrets and feelings. and i never speak to anyone about them.. i have every ones thoughts and burdens and feelings piled on me… because when someone i know is upset and hurting that means im hurting.. i make every ones problems my own. and its a bitter sweet kind of thing because at least they’re not facing such hard things alone. i love helping people i really do. but there are only a few times i need people and it seems like no one is there. well i know people are here for me but i dont like to bother anyone with my problems i just keep them bottled up inside.. if i could take away every ones pain away i would . i just want everyone in my life or everyone in general to be happy even if i am not. idc about myself… i care more about everyone else.. some call me stupid for it but it’s just who i have always been. people say im crazy for it that im going to drive myself crazy but i really just dont care .. as long as everyone else is happy i will be fine .. idk i just have a lot going on in my head so im just letting it out here… blahhhhh -.-